i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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