BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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