marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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