Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
