so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize