You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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