I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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