I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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