I didn't shave. On purpose
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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