It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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