I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
