Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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