Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
vagina is talking i cant
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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