My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
