so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize