I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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