I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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