Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
