I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
