i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
