White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
