i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
