she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
