I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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