the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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