Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
