the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
