As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
