I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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