I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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