Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
