we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
