I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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