So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
