If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
