Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
