RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
