He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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