i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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