Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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