I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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