They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
