You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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