Plan B is the new Plan A
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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