Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
