just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
