Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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