AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
only you would photoshop your dick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
