it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
