i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
