How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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