found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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