you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
