I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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