hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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