Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
