She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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