I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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