we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
