How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He better not be in your backpack
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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