Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
