Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
