YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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