yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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