Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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