My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
