I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
