Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
