i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
