I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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