dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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