I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
