Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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