I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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