3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize