I think i peed on brittanys purse
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
