Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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