We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so let's talk penis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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